Bright Flags

Joanie’s flag was bright, multi-coloured, and altogether terrible for hiding.

It’s not that she often needed to hide with it. But in the midst of a game of capture of the flag, where everyone was trying to steal everyone else’s flags – some 23 flags total – she needed something to keep it in disguise.

The rules were simple: no burying it, no altering it, and no traps around it. The flag had to fly at hand level, and be easily removable. The person who collected the most flags would win, regardless of whether theirs was still theirs or not. And you could only carry one flag at a time – the rest had to be stored in a container at your base, which could be hidden.

Joanie had collected six flags, but with hers drawing others in, she knew it was only a matter of time before her container was found. She tagged people out of her territory as much as possible, maintaining a distance from her container to throw them off, but still, she worried.

As Ada came running in, barreling to the left of Joanie’s position, Joanie knew she would be undone. She ran for the intruder, but just as she reached Ada, Curt came in from the other side to nab her container. Joanie tried, but Ada slipped away. Joanie turned, and made for Curt, but it was too late. He had already emptied her container – the one time a person was allowed to carry more than one flag – and was making his way out of her territory. She could see him splitting the loot to share with Ada.

Joanie frowned, unaware that such alliances were allowed. She looked around, and saw LeShawn looking bereft, his own cache having just been raided. The met eyes. LeShawn nodded. Joanie nodded back. The two jogged toward each other to begin planning their heists.

Flag Sewer

The flag stitcher was, at one time, called a flag sewer, until the internet. At that point, he could no longer call himself a flag sewer, for the fact that too many people were confused and angry that he was putting flags down the toilet or, more complicatedly, down the sink.

After setting up flagsewer.com, he sat sewing his flags as the hate mail poured in, proclaiming him an anti-patriot, a moron, a terrorist, and, confusingly, a pedophile.

It did great things for his business, in part because he immediately set up a new website as flagstitcher.com, where those so incensed by flagsewer.com went to get their flags to take pictures with to send to flagsewer.com. Indeed, many who bought their flags from flagstitcher would send that flag to flagsewer along with their vitriolic admonitions about what the flag sewer was presumed to be doing, the irony of this action entirely lost on them.

So the flag stitcher created a tidy little business of recycling flags, and spent some of his free time take pictures of flags in various drainage systems to perpetuate the misinformation.

This was how the flag stitcher became rich, whereupon he outsourced the work to China and sat back, fat off the profits.