Alien Abduction

“I’ve been abducted, help!” Chris cried.

“Chris, what are you talking about?”

“Tanner, help me, I’ve been abducted!” Chris’s arms were high up, his face distraught.

Tanner stared at his friend, unsure what was happening. “Listen, bud, I don’t know what you’re getting at. I haven’t abducted you. We’re having a beer. At your apartment. You invited me here.”

“I know, I know, that’s not what I mean.” Chris lowered his arms. “I mean, I was abducted.”


“Last night.”


“Yes. You see, I was lying there in bed, calm as can be. Then suddenly, BAM. Lights shining through my window. Then I’m pulled up, and it was aliens! Fucking aliens! Literally! They probed me and probed me until I couldn’t help myself. Then they threw me back into my bed, jizz and all. It was terrifying.”

“It…sounds like you had a wet dream, Chris.”

“No, but they were real! I remember it all. It was awful. I mean, great, but awful.”

“Well, I’m, uh, sorry to hear that, Chris. Maybe you should report it.”

“I already called the cops. They’re on it. Said they had other reports last night, too.”

“Wait, really?” Tanner said, suddenly unsure.

Chris just looked at his friend, his eyebrows high in acknowledgement, and took a sip of beer.


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