Talk Like A Pirate

“Yarrrrrgh!” Garfield shouted.

“Shut up, Garf,” Kristen said.

“Argh matey, what be the trouble?”

“Seriously, just stop.”

“Avast, ye landlubber, me thinks – ”

“No seriously,” Kristen turned to him, folding her arms in front of herself. “Stop. No more pirate crap. I know it’s ‘talk like a pirate day’, but we’re at work, it’s been a long day, and I’m tired. Just stop.”

“Argh matey, I be sorry. But there be nothin’ I can do, this just be the way I talks.”

“It isn’t. We spoke on Friday. You said, and I quote, I don’t understand the continued insistence on ideas of pre-Colombian flat-earth theory and geocentricity. People knew both the roundness of the earth, and the heliocentric nature of the solar system back then, it was only a minority of idiots who held to those ideas. They were just loud, I guess. End quote.”

“I don’t be knowin’ of what ye speak, but ye crazy landlubbers always be talkin’ like seals in the bay, yahar!”

“Garfield. No. Bad.”


Kristen rolled her eyes and walked away, looking for a new work area; somewhere where she could avoid this nonsense for the rest of the day. She shook her internal fist at the creators of that cursed day.


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