“And now, ladies and germs, put your hands together for the comedic stylings of the new, the great, Ilona Admira!”
The MC stepped to the side, and Ilona stepped up to the mic. It loomed above her, and she looked up to it, saying, “Uh, hello?” Her voice whispered through the sound system, and she reached in front of her. “Just a moment please,” she said toward the mic, then began adjusting it.
When it was finally the right height for her, she smiled and said, “That’s better. I asked them to have a mic for my size, and they said it would be. I guess I should have specified I wanted it to be actually ready for me.”
A few people coughed, and one person in a corner chuckled. Ilona swallowed, trying to keep her mouth from being so dry.
“So, uh, as Zack was saying, my name is Ilona. It’s a Hungarian name, meaning bright one. I told this to my boyfriend, and he said, ‘They missed the mark on that one.'”
The audience laughed, and Ilona nodded grimly inside.
“I joke, I joke. I don’t have a boyfriend. I guess I’m meant to be…Alone-a.”
This joke met with a few guffaws, a boo, and someone dropped a glass.
“Whoops, hope you’re okay over there. Or should I say opa? I never really got that. Smash something, and you yell out in celebration? What’s up with that, Greece? Anyway, I was walking with my non-existent boyfriend, and I look over and start talking to him, and this lady is like, ‘What are you on, crazy lady?’ And I look at her, and give her a ‘What’s the problem?’ face. Then I unzipped my boyfriends fly and went down on him right there. She was pretty surprised, let me tell you. Especially when he came everywhere.”
She could hear the audiences confusion now. Some laughed, others were unsure. She knew she was hitting just the right note, and so went for the big finale.
“And that’s it for me, folks. Thanks, go home, and go fuck yourselves.”
Ilona walked off stage, and it took the MC a moment to recover. “Ilona Admira, ladies and gents. Umm…I think that was comedy?”
Ilona grinned behind the curtain, knowing she had delivered exactly what she wanted to.