Mucking Around

Trudy stood in the middle of the square, black jeans and dark blue blouse comfortable, yet stylish. Her shoes were practical, as one would need.

On the edge of the square, a man stood, taking in these aspects of her, taking far too long at it. He wore a robe, held a wand in his hand. A noob, if ever there was one, Trudy thought.

The Noob smiled at Trudy. Around them, buildings loomed, and if anyone knew, they would be watching the battle about to happen. The little people continued to toil away at their irrelevancies, though, and Trudy and the Noob squared off.

“Damn girl, you look fine. If only you would wear some of our traditional clothes, you’d be the best. It’s okay, I can blast you into them, after I blast you out of those jeans.” The Noob sneered.

Trudy rolled her eyes. “Boy, you’re obviously new. So go ahead and try, and when you’re done mucking around, let me know so I can call your Mommy.”

The Noob’s eyes filled with annoyance – not the first time he had been so insulted, apparently – and he lifted his wand. With the effort visible on his face, he conjured up a spell and sent it towards Trudy.

It was a simple spell. A simple Removal, clearly aimed at her clothes. Pig-headed imbecile, she thought. She didn’t raise a hand, barely thought a thing, and the spell dispelled.

“Wha? What the fuck, you bitch!”

“I’m a bitch because you aren’t strong enough to forcibly remove my clothes?”

“Whatever. Take this!” He focused more, building up energy in the tip of this wand, then shouted, “Expeliarmus!”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake,” Trudy said. She raised a hand, flicked a thought out, and again destroyed his spell. “You know, I really hate that stupid book. Made us all look like fools. And you, with your silly little robes…do you know anything about the profession? We haven’t worn robes since the middle ages. We blend in, dumbass. So here, let me school you a little.”

Trudy kept her hand raised, blasted the Noob with her own power, dissolving the robes, the jeans and t-shirt underneath, leaving him standing in his unwashed briefs. “And that too,” Trudy said, flicking her fingers and cracking his wand. “Now, when you’ve learned a little bit about how to do this, and how to treat a woman, you can talk to me. But if you try to use your magic to declothe me again – or really do anything untoward toward anyone – I will hunt you down, and humiliate you much more than you have been. I’ll hurt you to the core of your sad, pathetic little being. Got it?”

The Noob nodded, and scurried away to seek clothes. With another wave, she placed a housecoat on him, a gesture of goodwill. “Thank you!” he called over his shoulder.

Trudy shook her head. “Boys,” she muttered, then sent a message to the council about another little imbecile. They needed to end that recruitment drive. Or at least do better in their selection process.


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