Work Traps

Dan hated his co-workers. They were rude, obnoxious, and loved to discuss the minutiae of how they had toyed with the lives of the people they were meant to serve.

Working in a bureaucratic environment was not something Dan particularly enjoyed or aspired to, but it was something that would pay his bills, his mortgage, and, hopefully, the tiny spawn growing in his wife’s belly (when combined with her income, as well, at least). Just because it paid for his life, though, didn’t mean he had to enjoy it, or behave particularly nobly.

When he grew tired of browsing the internet at work, learning new skills on company time or playing silly games, Dan decided to do some real-life toying with his co-workers.

After a spat of covering the optical sensors on the mice with post-it notes, Dan moved to replacing the coffee with espresso. The manager was happy about the boost in productivity, though less so about his employees’ irritability.

His greatest fun, though, came in the glue traps Dan set around the workplace.

The first step was to find the formula for the rodent glue traps, boost the adhesiveness, and attach it to something large enough for a human foot. All this was done while he was at work, and no one noticed any change in Dan’s productivity.

Dan’s next step was to colour the glue the same bland multi-coloured grey of the carpet. He fought with the adhesive for several days, until he was struck with the work-around: the glue was clear. The next day, he took a picture of the carpet, printed this picture onto the traps, then brushed the glue over it.

He brought his traps in early the next day and anchored them to the floor. They blended in perfectly, and anyone who didn’t know where they were was bound to step on them. He left so that he could return at a normal time, diverting suspicion away.

Susan was the first person in, and the first victim. She lost her right shoe, but managed to avoid the rest of the traps. Ken was next, losing a left shoe, and subsequently a sock. Jeremy lost both shoes, and took off his socks before continuing on his way. Shannon lost one shoe and half of her pantyhose. Jeremy, barefoot, got himself stuck, and required help to pry his foot off the trap.

Dan sat at his desk, laughing all through the morning. At lunch, however, he was undone; in a moment of carelessness, laughing while standing at Eric’s desk, he stepped back into a trap himself. Dan lost his right shoe, but couldn’t very well show his knowledge of how to release the adhesive. He abandoned his shoe, hobbling home at the end of the day.

The next day, he worked twice as hard to remember where all the unfound traps were, delighting in the minefield of lost footwear and continued curses of his co-workers.

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