The Gravity of the Situation

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We’ve just cleared Earth’s atmosphere, and are now officially in space. Congratulations, the W.S.S. Low Prices survived the launch.”

Everyone in the cabin cheered. David turned to Pamela and smiled, and she smiled back. He was about to put his arms out for a congratulatory hug when Albert, on David’s left, wacked his shoulder. David turned, and saw the extended hand. He shook it as the speakers crackled again.

“Now folks, the seatbelt sign will turn off, but remember, there’s no gravity. You’ll float around, so try to do so safely.”

David unbuckled his seatbelt and immediately started to float upward. Pamela and Albert followed suit, and soon there were twenty-five bodies floating around. People kept bumping into each other, the walls, the equipment.

Having been pushed forward, David was now separated from his seat, and more importantly, his seatmates. He wanted chat up Pamela. It was going to be a long six months on the ship, and he needed someone to talk to, among other things. And she had smiled at him all through the three-day training, before the launch. And just now. She’s totally in to me, he thought.

David pushed himself off the wall, only to see, too late, the old guy from two rows behind him on a collision course.

“Fuck,” David said. He drifted through the air in slow motion, trying to wave his hands to get out of the way, but only succeeded in starting a slow spin. He put his hands up as the two bodies squished into each other.

“Oh, hello there,” the old man said. “I do apologize. I seem to have soiled myself, and I suspect it will be getting on you now. But I must say, this lack of gravity is good for the bowels.”

As the old man continued on about digestion and fecal matter, David pushed him away, causing himself to drift toward the wall. He thumped his head and started drifting forward again.

“Fuck it,” David said. He grabbed the first seat he neared, then carefully made his way back to his assigned seat. He sat, buckled in, and tried to fend off the other floating bodies, hoping Pamela would get as annoyed as he with the aerial circus and return to her seat. He folded his arms at the nonsense, and made a mental note to write a letter of complaint later about the lack of gravity.

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