Black Friday

“President Stampley! Excuse me, President Stampley!”

“Yes, the reporter from the Herald?”

“Kurt Soloman, sir, I’d like to ask about the recent petition to change the name of Black Friday to Orange Friday?”

“Okay, ask away.”

Kurt’s eyes widened. “Umm, well, it’s gotten a lot of support and backing, particularly thanks to the ever-increasing racial tensions in the country. What do you have to say about that petition, and the ideas it raises?”

“Well, let me be very clear. It’s not the place of this administration, or any administration, to interfere with good business practice. And it isn’t the case that Black Friday was so named because, as that ridiculous internet meme claims, it ‘profits off the debts and slavery of Blacks’. Why that caught on, I don’t know, but that’s the internet for you. In any case, it’s named so for businesses getting in the black, so changing the name for racial reasons is disingenuous at best.

“Now, as to the idea of banning it entirely, let me be very clear: we will not. As I said, it’s not our place to interfere with business, unlike the opposition. While the deaths that happen are regrettable, that’s a case of poor management on behalf of the businesses involved, and we’ll look at increasing requirements for special sales days. But we will not be standing in the way of economic growth.”

“Even at the expense of human lives?”

“Next question please.”

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