Ernie’s Obituary

Ernie Doggan, 32, loving friend, parentless miracle, was killed by God and an aneurysm on Oct 30. He is survived by many people, including Sheryl, James, Percy, Ezequiel “Zeky”, and his dog Charles Worthington III, Esq. Ernie was a passionate lover, a mild xenophobe, and hater of Sesame Street’s characters, for which he suffered many questions of “Where’s Bert?” He also possessed a less intense dislike of Frank Capra’s It’s A Wonderful Life for similar reasons, as well as its annual television dominance.

Following his education at the University of Hard Knox, Ernie was a devout agnostic and committed temp worker. He brought a surly disposition to his workplaces, and an indifference that, had he survived, meant a future in upper management.

Ernie will be missed, at least for a few days.

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