Shakespearean Weightloss Program

“I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my girth, through – ”

“Isn’t it mirth?” Carolyn interrupted.

Virgil looked at her, annoyed. “It is, normally, yes. But that’s a bit less personal. I used to be…well, kind of chubbier.”

Carolyn snickered. “You were a porker?”

“No!” Virgil lowered his arms, leaving the monologue entirely. “Chubby! I had a bit of weight, yeah, but I wasn’t, like, obese or anything. And calling me a porker is just downright mean.”

“Okay, fine, sorry. Continue.”

“Thank you. Ahem. I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my girth, through no custom of exercise. And indeed, I was so heavily disposed that this goodly frame, the earth, seemed to me a sickly promontory. This – ”

“Okay, that’s enough.”

“What? But I’m just getting to the best part!”

“I’ve heard all I need to, Virgil, thank you.”

Virgil dropped his hands again. “Okay, well, what do you think?”

Carolyn shuffled the papers on her lap. “Well, Shakespeare as a means of promoting exercise and weight loss sounds like an interesting idea, I’ll grant you that. You’d probably get two, maybe three people involved. But I don’t think it would go beyond that, and I don’t think it’s a worthwhile pursuit.”

Virgil’s face dropped. “But…but I have followers! On the internet! Dozens of them!”

“How many are paid for, and how many are just friends from Facebook?”

“Umm…a few. But every now and then I get one or two more organically!”

“Well, keep it as an internet thing for now, and if it starts taking off, I’ll invest.”

Virgil sighed. “Okay. Thanks anyway.”


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