Elmer v. Tooth Fairy

The tooth fairy hated Elmer. He knew it. He felt it. He reaped the rewards.

Starting from a young age, Elmer was a good scam artist. He had stolen his baby sister’s teeth when his ran out. Then he stole the teeth of roadkill. Then he made teeth out of paper, covered them with glue until they hardened, and used those. It was his first get-rich-quick scheme, and the tooth fairy usually visited Elmer after the crocodiles, so it took far too long for her to realize the con.

Later Elmer was a higher-up for pyramid schemes and multi-level marketing companies. He suckered many friends in. He lost friends as quickly as he gained them. But he was financially successful, and that’s all that was important.

This was when the tooth fairy enrolled in law school.

Using her stocks of teeth, she ground them to powder and started an herbal supplement business, funding her degree.

Using her burgling skills, she collected all the evidence on Elmer she needed.

Finally, she sued him. He still placed fake teeth under his pillow, and for years she had faithfully replaced them with dollar bills. When Elmer woke up the last time, though, he had not money, but a service of process.

He fought, but lost. His entire fortune was handed over the to tooth fairy, and he was left destitute. She then hired him on as an indentured servant. He was one of her low-level counterfeiters; the pay was low, but he had room and board, and every time she saw him toiling away, she grinned her wide smile of ever-replaced canines.

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