Voting Behaviours

“Mr. Herbert, you understand why you’re here, don’t you?”

“I’m here to offer expert testimony on an inane, opposition-led witch hunt.”

“Mr. Herbert, your party is accused of rigging the election through numerous means, including ballot stuffing, misleading voters about ballot locations through telephone campaigns, and even burning ballot boxes in ridings known to lean more toward your opponent.”

“We did not take part in those actions.”

“Mr. Herbert, we’ve traced the phone calls to your constituency office.”

“That was one disgruntled employee, who has since been fired.”

“Mr. Herbert, several witnesses attest to seeing members of your party physically stuffing dozens, if not hundreds, of forged ballots into the ballot boxes.”

“There was an organized effort by supporters of our opponent to besmirch our good name. Using social media, and led by the hacker 4Chan, they planned out exactly what to say to make salacious claims stick. Our organization is in the process of suing Mr. 4Chan at this moment.”

“Mr. Herbert, you do realize that 4Chan is a collective of individuals on a social website, and not just one person?”

“…Yes.”

“Hm. Finally, Mr. Herbert, we have photographic evidence of you and members of your caucus peeing on several dozen ballot boxes. You are then shown dousing them with lighter fluid, and dancing around the fire, nude, as they burned.”

“Those photos were faked.”

“They were recovered from your phone, Mr. Herbert, along with a video of the same event.”

“…They were still faked.”

“Is that your only defence?”

“Yes.”

“Well then, in light of your lack of evidence to the contrary, we have no choice but to find you guilty of massive vote-rigging, Mr. Herbert, and-”

“Excuse me, I’d prefer it if you referred to my actions as ‘ensuring the protection of societal ideals.'”

“Very well. You are guilty of ensuring the protection of societal ideals, through massively illegal means. Please have your assistant extend their wrist and, following punishment, I trust we will not have to see you in this tribunal again.”

“Yes, chief justice.”

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