Green Coat

It was a bright, neon green, flaring out around the other black and purple clothes, a bold statement, a call to be different; at least, that’s what Diane saw.

Frankie saw a gaudy green jacket with orange sequins, putrid and revolting; he nearly vomited in the mall at the thought of it on his girlfriend. She squealed and ran in.

Throwing it over her shoulders, she modeled it to Frankie. It was blessedly short, so when she turned around he could focus on her ass, but even then the disgusting thing was too distracting.

“I don’t really like it” he said, hoping a political response would dissuade her.

Diane pouted, then said, “What do you mean? It’s amazing!”

“It looks like an oompa loompa was butchered and skinned, and turned in to a jacket.”

“You’re just grouchy and tired!”

“Yes, but it’s still horrid.”

“Well, I love it.”

“I don’t. And I won’t have sex with you when you wear it.”

“That’s fine.”

“Dammit! Why does that work for you?”

“Because you always want sex! I can turn that part of my brain off.”

“Well, if you don’t buy this, I’ll pay for that really cute dress you saw at the other store.”

“No way! This is much better!”

“It’s really not! Please, Diane, don’t buy it.”

“Too late, I’m going to pay for it!” She slipped it off and headed for the cash register.

“But there’s a rip! Right there!” He leapt on the slight flaw in the seam attaching the arm, pointing it out with gusto.

“Oh! Oh no, that’s too bad…I could always fix it though…”

“You said that about the jeans, and you still haven’t.”

“True…oh, well, I suppose it will save some money.”

Frankie inwardly cheered, but just replied, “There there hon…maybe there’s another in another store you’ll see somewhere.”

“Oh! Good idea! Let’s go to the South Side Mall! Yay! Mall crawl!”

“…Damn.”

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