Prior to putting on four hundred pounds, he would eat every two hours. Concerned, desperately so, of starving to death after watching three straight days of infomercials showing children in Africa being lovingly exploited by celebrities. He refused to let that happen to him, so he ate and ate, and grew. For a full 11 months, he grew bigger and bigger, running no risk of starving to death, but rather of feeding an entire pack of hyenas, and risking serious financial jeopardy. Finally, after suffering a second heart attack, and his doctor telling him in no uncertain terms that there was absolutely no chance he would starve to death, and that he would die in four years if he kept his eating up, he went on a diet and received counseling. His skin, which had split from the fat growing too fast, began to heal, and gradually he became healthier.

Then came the marathon of mosquito net infomercials.


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